Choosing Courage!
It all begins with an idea.
I grew up in a small fishing village in rural Newfoundland where the culture was as thick as the fog. I was blessed to grow up in such a tight nit family and community where people just took care of each other. I didn’t know what a therapist was, but I knew I needed one at a young age. Teenage years are unkind to most. I was a sensitive child and was hurt more easily than others. Sensitive people learn this from a very young age. Being the sensitive youngster that I was, you could say that this led to struggles. As a teen in a small town, I didn’t have exposure to services that were often and typical in big cities, like counselling and therapy. So on I went…making bad choices after another. For some reason I knew this wasn’t who I was supposed to be. I had great role models that helped mold me and encourage the ‘helper’ within…but I just didn’t know how to get there.
Fast forward and I am off to University. My parents didn’t give me an option, I was attending University and that was that. A decision that I will forever be grateful for them making for me. Navigating school and post secondary options can be difficult to say the least. All I knew is that I wanted to help people. I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s when the cod moratorium created devastation in our small fishing towns. I saw our community change nearly overnight. Families sold their fishing license’s. License's that had been handed down for generations. Identities lost or forever changed. I didn’t know it at the time, but this impacted me and how I saw the world.
I ‘ve always loved school. School was my safe haven. It is where I excelled the most…my arena so to speak. However, what to do? So many options. I tried on a few options but nothing really fit. Until…I failed a university course in my second semester, failed the eye exam for RCMP, decided to join the military and then 911 happened. I was as lost as a sailor without a compass. Feeling lost, defeated and like I had no options left…I made an appointment with an academic advisor at Memorial University. She was kind and asked me what I was interested in. I told her I wanted to help people…but I didn’t really know what that meant. She went through the different options and asked…why don’t you consider social work…my response…what is that? I quickly learned that this was my calling. I could help people without having an exercise requirement….perfect…where can I apply? My journey from here out wasn’t easy or straightforward either. I was eager to apply however, without the volunteer experience, I was rejected….AGAIN! Feeling lost and sorry for myself, as many of my fellow friends had received acceptance letters….I had a few options:
Give up, feel sorry for myself, stay stuck/miserable, and succumb to the pressures of university
Change course - do something different
Move forward - assess the situation and make a plan to try again - but harder
Now this wouldn’t be much of a story if I chose any other option, than option 3, now would it? So off I went to the volunteer bureau at the university. I called and applied to volunteer 5 nights per week. I spent the year volunteering on crisis line to support survivors of sexual violence, attending a half way house to help ex-offenders gain the skills they need to transition into the community successfully, attending the women’s shelter providing comfort and support to women who faced many challenges, attending sexual health centers offering support to young people making life changing decisions about their bodies…and the list goes on. Being sensitive and stubborn, getting that rejection letter lit a fire inside me. I knew I did my best…AND…I could do more. So I made a plan and stuck to it. I committed to giving it my best in that year to prove to the School of Social Work that I was worthy of their acceptance….and I have been working relentlessly ever since. My point is…the journey is rarely straightforward….it’s messy, imperfect and takes courage to get up and continue to fight after you fall. I believe we are all capable of a lot more than we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes when a door closes, its a gift! I have learned that accepting these rejections as gifts, can be life changing. However, sometimes we are so deep into a problem, that we can’t see a way out. This is where a counsellor can help you navigate a way through…your way through!
You may ask, why share your story Ashley? Because it matters. Stories matter. Stories can help others know they are not alone and to dig deep to find the courage to reach out! Life is too short to stay miserable…let’s get moving forward….together!
Your friendly neighborhood counsellor,
Ashley Mercer, MSW, RSW